(Written 11.22.2022
Edited: 06.28.2026)
It’s hard to believe this was a reality just 3 years ago when more times than not you could take one look at her and not know for one second that she was very, very sick. She hid it well but I resent her for that. Maybe I shouldn’t feel that way or admit it on social media but I hate having to come to terms with all of the unknowns we had during her last few months of life. I know she didn’t tell us how bad she truly felt physically, emotionally, mentally and more simply to save us from having to hurt for her but I wish SO MUCH that I had known the cold hard truths about her illness and perhaps I could have done something to make those last few months a little less lonely. You’d never know how sick she was with her enchanting spirit and her charm and her wit and her determination to live her life to the absolute fullest to the best of her ability knowing her time was going to be much shorter on earth than she’d like. I wish I could have had the courage to make it known to her how much I envied her for her spunk and love for life but also that she taught me so much about everything.
The phone call and everything that came after that phone call continues to play in my head over and over and I can’t shake the feeling I felt when I heard the words “Lauren is dead”. Then I had to catch my breath and make a phone call to give the news to my brother. Later on I had to give the news to a very best friend of mine to tell her that the light of all of our lives was no longer with us.
I just hope and pray I’m half of what legacy you left behind. To say I’m lost in this journey of grief is an understatement and I’m not sure if I’ll ever find my way out. I’m certainly trying but god life would be so much easier if you were just here giving me sisterly tough love and helping me get my life together. And yet here I am at 1 am rambling on with tears covering my face wondering if perhaps I could wake up from this two year nightmare and you pop up saying “just kidding y’all. I’m here!”
I. Miss. You.
Maybe one day people won’t be so scared to befriend me knowing that I talk about you because of how much you impacted my life and not because I want pity and sympathy for talking about my sister who is in heaven. I will never stop talking about you. I suppose the right people will gravitate toward me when the time is right and we can celebrate you all of the time.
I love you sister. Sissy. Friend. Confidant. Big sister. Hero. All of the above.
Thank you for being such an impact in my life.
Love always, your little sister
Fearfully & Wonderfully Brave 